Tag: Blame

The Rubble of an Argument

.Reading time 1 minute.

Did I support you?
I’m sorry that I didn’t hear you better.
Man, I shouldn’t have argued with her about this.

These things go through my head as the dust clears after an argument. Many people, like me, begin to assess what happened and why. We look for remnants of what once was and try to rebuild from nothing— the rubble. But is it really nothing? I believe that the rubble actually has the hidden answers to a successful relationship.

The after affects of arguments tell us stories of the problems of the past. The awkward silence, raised voices, slammed doors, unnecessary comments.

Like history, if we don’t learn from our mistakes we are doomed to repeat them.

I believe that if studied, measured and analyzed properly, that “stone” of miscommunication that a builder might refuse could then turn into a chief cornerstone of rebuilding lost intimacy and connection in a relationship. Focusing on those key issues in arguments like assumptions, superlatives like “always and never”, the raised voices, the errant comments—taking those left over bite-sized pieces of a disagreement and using that as a building block. We can allow ourselves not to start from ground zero but to start from a place of understanding, hearing, accountability and agreement.

“Understand this, my dear brothers and sisters: You must all be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to get angry.” James‬ ‭1:19‬ ‭NLT‬‬

A Topic of the Times

.Reading time 3 minutes.

If not for someone else,
If not for God.

How many of us have those “if not for” stories?

How many of us have been saved by the best friend?
The bartender or a family member?

Was it just that we were so much more aware than others?

That we somehow overcame our drunkenness to rationalize that we should give our keys up to a friend or family member?

I’m so eager and yet so apprehensive to tell this story.
My near Henry Ruggs-like incident.

I’ll tell a story right now of my own mistake with alcohol. I was out with friends drinking a daiquiri watching a basketball game. I felt myself getting really drunk and not feeling well. Though I was surrounded by friends, I snuck off due to embarrassment for the state I was in and figured it was okay to drive myself home.

What took place over the next five hours hammered humility, empathy, and kindness into me. When I tell this story, I always tell the listeners that I wasn’t driving. It was God driving. God drove a distance of 7.1 miles in rush hour traffic, through busy intersections, traffic lights and pedestrian crossings, as I snapped in and out of my drunken consciousness.

The simple fact that this mistake could happen to anyone was pressed into my head like the curbs I hit, breaking my cars axels.

How much I wasn’t in control was slammed into me the way I slammed my foot into the brakes. Finally, I woke up long enough to understand that I needed to pull my car over.

What I awoke to was a car full of vomit and the fear over what I had done but also the awareness of God’s presence in my car. I could have died; I could have killed someone. I could have been arrested, but God saw that it was okay for me to just go home.

We can all say stop being stupid, but we all still make mistakes.

As for the Ruggs situation, I would rather mourn the loss of life than point the finger. I would rather acknowledge the fact that a person made a mistake and would take it back if they could.