This year has been a whirlwind to say the least.  I started out this year excited but nervous to begin counseling for the 1st time.  The idea that this would be my biggest challenge this year was stressful enough.  I totally underestimated how difficult it would be to adjust to and grow in counseling while at the same time trying to finish up my licensure supervision hours while also enrolled in seminary classes while at the SAME time holding down a (although flexible, thank God) full-time job.  This alone was enough to make 2020 a pretty daunting year for me, but I was prepared for it…mostly.  Top all of that off with COVID, a quarantine that lasted longer than any of us thought that it would, a total move to teletherapy, reduced hours for my job and my hubby’s job loss and of course the ensuing financial problems, and it’s safe to say that “2020 was a year that no one saw coming” is an understatement.  

I had more breakdowns than I can count this year–you know, the ugly cry ones.  I questioned my ability to even be an effective counselor, something I KNOW God called me to do (I questioned that A LOT this year) when some days, I had zero motivation to even get out of the bed.  Couple all of this with being a black woman in this country this year (enough said) and trying to successfully navigate my first year as a wife–by this past summer, I didn’t know how I was going to make it to the end of 2020 at the pace that I was on.  I wanted to quit so many times–quit counseling, quit school, quit my jobs, quit supervision.  I just didn’t see how I could keep it all up till the end… but somehow, I did.  Somehow I’m still here, my sanity and my faith intact.  It’s December, and I feel like I can breathe for the 1st time in a long time.  If I can name one thing that 2020 taught me, it would be this:  I can’t change anyone or fix anyone.  I can’t even fix me.  I am not where my power lies.  It lies in my Father God and in my identity in Him through the sacrifice of His son, Jesus.  All that I have to offer to anyone is only what comes through me from Him.  I can never be smart enough or whole enough to offer much of anything to anyone else, but somehow, He uses me anyway–and that makes all the difference.   

 “19 I also pray that you will understand the incredible greatness of God’s power for us who believe him. This is the same mighty power 20 that raised Christ from the dead and seated him in the place of honor at God’s right hand in the heavenly realms.”  Ephesians 1:19-20 (NLT)

Think of the prettiest girl you’ve ever seen–really, think about it for a second. Now hold on to that image. What does she look like? What are some of her physical attributes? More specifically what is her hair type/texture?

I realize that depending on my audience, the type of woman imagined could vary. But what type of girl do we often see cast in the media as the “love interest”–the “pretty girl”? Is she darker hued or of a fairer complexion? Is her hair straight or curly? Do we see her natural hair at all?

If you’re like me, you probably have few instances of seeing a girl with kinky/curly hair displayed as the lead in a film, singing group or any other popular media. This isn’t a new phenomena. For years, we and our mothers, grandmothers and beyond have been given a singular message from society concerning this most sacred part of ourselves–that message being that the hair that grows out of our heads is not acceptable. We have been made to feel ashamed of it–so much so that we wished to either cover it up or chemically alter it.

Now before you assume that I’m attacking weaves and relaxers, know that I’m not. I didn’t write this to tell all relaxed haired women to cut off their hair and go natural or for those who wear weaves to stop wearing them all together. It is fun and harmless to switch up your style from time to time. I am ALL for that boo, so do you! Also, protective styles from time to time are a MUST to maintain a natural healthy head of long hair. What I AM attacking is the insecurity, the lie, that tells so many of us that we are not acceptable without these things. That your God-given hair is not acceptable for the workplace, media or even to the opposite sex. We have to be honest with ourselves. What is your motivation? To switch up your style or to hide a piece of yourself? If it is the latter, there is no need to feel ashamed. It’s hard to take pride in yourself when society has given you every reason not to. But just because you’ve been a certain way or thought a certain way for a long time does not mean that you have to remain that way. It starts with you–with questioning yourself and your motivations. From there a decision needs to be made. At least, that is how it was for me.

Part II coming soon!