Did I support you?
I’m sorry that I didn’t hear you better.
Man, I shouldn’t have argued with her about this.

These things go through my head as the dust clears after an argument. Many people, like me, begin to assess what happened and why. We look for remnants of what once was and try to rebuild from nothing— the rubble. But is it really nothing? I believe that the rubble actually has the hidden answers to a successful relationship.

The after affects of arguments tell us stories of the problems of the past. The awkward silence, raised voices, slammed doors, unnecessary comments.

Like history, if we don’t learn from our mistakes we are doomed to repeat them.

I believe that if studied, measured and analyzed properly, that “stone” of miscommunication that a builder might refuse could then turn into a chief cornerstone of rebuilding lost intimacy and connection in a relationship. Focusing on those key issues in arguments like assumptions, superlatives like “always and never”, the raised voices, the errant comments—taking those left over bite-sized pieces of a disagreement and using that as a building block. We can allow ourselves not to start from ground zero but to start from a place of understanding, hearing, accountability and agreement.

“Understand this, my dear brothers and sisters: You must all be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to get angry.” James‬ ‭1:19‬ ‭NLT‬‬