People will talk, all you have to do is listen.

Every so often my wife will come to me feeling a little nervous about taking on a new counseling client. I always try to reassure her and remind her that the person will tell you everything you need to know about themselves; all you have to do is listen.

This blog topic came about from past conversations with my wife while shopping during the holidays for our family. My wife would say that when I shop I was wasting money because I would buy gifts I thought would be good for them instead of what they asked for. (Which, she points out, that the person rarely uses, hence the wasted money). She pointed out that instead I should buy something that they will actually like or use. My wife and I had a really great conversation about this at Burlington’s Coat Factory. It helped me to understand this information, even if it was in something as small as holiday shopping.

I told these two stories to lead to this question: Are we ignoring what the people around us truly want?

I grew up with both parents in the home, but they struggled, as a lot of parents do, with hearing their children. As I grew older, things were bought and purchased for me in a rush to soothe an assumed want—not a want that I actually voiced myself. Assumed wants were the things they sought to satisfy, but the true voiced wants and needs of their child were something that proved challenging for them to hear. I truly believe that most children like myself only wanted love and to be listened to, to feel like we were heard—contrary to “the world” that parents want to give.

While in the process of trying to give those around you everything that you think they want, stop now and then to ask yourself “is this what this person really wants?” Whether young or old, did they actually ask for this? Or is this something that I want them to have? And if this is something that I want them to have and not something that they asked for, is this really about them at all or is it about me?

Am I being controlling?

“But Samuel replied, “What is more pleasing to the Lord: your burnt offerings and sacrifices or your obedience to his voice? Listen! Obedience is better than sacrifice, and submission is better than offering the fat of rams.”
‭‭1 Samuel‬ ‭15:22‬ ‭

Readers, lastly I would like to challenge you to try a simple exercise of asking those important to you what is one thing that they want. Then actively seek that out and that alone, without your wants, your opinion, or your agenda taking precedence over theirs.